I really don’t like it when people allude to news without divulging what it is, but I realize now why people do it.If you follow along on my blog, you know it has been a while since I have posted here or on my social media accounts.No, I’m not calling it quits. I couldn’t do that to something I love doing so much.Instead, my absence was caused by the need to step away and heal a broken heart.(I know that sounds so dramatic.)
On July 25, 2019, in the very early morning hours, my sweet Becks passed away unexpectedly.The loss of Becks has been especially heartbreaking, as he was such a big part of my life, and on the blog and Instagram a lot.I couldn’t bring myself to talk about it here without breaking into a stream of tears, but not talking about it made me feel awful too.I had him for 11 years and then he was suddenly gone.
For anyone who wants to know the details, keep reading. If you’re averse to super sad details, skip ahead a few paragraphs. So, here is what happened: Becks had been fine the day before; after scarfing down his dinner, he went for a walk, and even had his famous five minutes. But late that Wednesday night, he started limping and couldn’t seem to get comfortable; and he was panting heavily.I called Jeff, who was away at the time on a trip, and asked him what I should do. We both came to the conclusion that Becks had just sprained a paw and would be fine in the morning.It wasn’t totally unheard of that Becks hurt himself during his five-minute escapades, and he always panted heavily before he fell asleep.I decided to sleep on the couch that night with him to keep an eye on my little buddy.At about two in the morning, I checked on my sweet boy.He didn’t move.He wasn’t breathing.He had passed away.I cried for hours.I felt so alone.I felt like couldn’t breathe.Seeing his lifeless body is an image I’ll never forget.I never got to say goodbye to my little boy.Being that I was home alone, I called Jeff again, asking him what I should do, again, barely getting the words out that Becks had passed away.After our phone call, I wrapped Becks up in his favorite blanket and took him to the 24-hour vet a few miles away from our house.The whole drive I kept thinking about how much Becks hated being in the car, and this was the best behaved he’d ever been.It was kind of an odd feeling.At the vet, they vet tech met me at the door and led me to a private room to say goodbye to Becks.Honestly, the tears came nonstop for over an hour.I don’t know what happened to him, and part of me doesn’t want to know because I fear it was my fault.I should have taken him to the emergency vet that Wednesday night when I noticed him acting odd.I still feel guilty for not doing that, but mostly I just miss my sweet Becks.
I’ll be pretty honest here; we have four dogs, and I should love them all equally, but I didn’t. Becks was special.He was loving, cuddly, feisty, and always let me know how much he loved me with his head rubs.Oh, he was a handful too, don’t get me wrong, but I would do anything for just one more snuggle with my little Becks, my little ray of sunshine.
Losing my little buddy caused me to stop blogging, especially because my next scheduled post was to be about the special birthday treats that I made for Becks’ birthday.I’m still planning on posting that recipe in the coming weeks.And Becks loved his treats.I’m so thankful for the 11 years I had with my little buddy, and I know that he is up in Heaven having a blast running around.
Grieving for a pet is a real thing, filled with real emotions, especially when it is your first fur baby to pass.I read that a good way to handle your grief is to write a letter to your pet, so here I go:
Dear Becks,
You were a wonderful dog, who touched our hearts in so many ways.I am so honored that you picked me to be your Mommy when I adopted you.If I had to describe why I adored you so much in three words, your three words would be loving, feisty, and quirky, and here is why . . . You had the amazing ability to “arooo” (which not all Scotties can do, including your big brother Beowulf).Every night when you heard the coyotes howling outside, you would join in their howls.I think you thought you were a coyote.You loved your toys and were known to hide them under the couch so no one else could play with them.If I was ever missing a shoe or the TV remote, I knew to check there.No dog loved paper more than you.It didn’t matter what kind–toilet paper, paper towels, or even my students’ school papers–you always wanted to snack on paper and would do just about anything to distract me to get ahold of some paper.You gave the best snuggles, nuzzling your head into my side until I let you climb up into my lap.You loved your people fiercely.I remember when you met Jeff for the first time. We took all the pups to the park, and you casually walked around Jeff and marked his shoe.I knew right away that you were showing me you approved of Jeff and were welcoming him into our pack.You loved your little sister Schenna and looked up to big brother Beowulf.You were all the best friends.You were afraid of your own shadow and were known to even bark at it.You always smelled like corn nuts, even after a bath.You hated car rides, the vet, and most of all, the fur stealers (groomers); but you always acted so proud when you were done with your appointments and walked out like you had just won a battle.You loved your walks, especially at Christmas time when you saw twinkle lights.You had the cutest little legs that made you look like you walked on all four cylinders.And when you were really excited or happy, your walk had a little pep in its step.You always drank your water too fast and then coughed up half of it.Your favorite place to rest was on the cold marble tile of the fireplace where you would lay out floppsy style with all four legs out, making yourself look like a little bunny.You tended to be clumsy and easily distracted; you always stopped to smell the flowers and marked your territory proudly, followed by the Scottie shuffle.You never missed a meal and were a dog treat expert. Your favorite treat was Bocce’s Bakery “Lumps of Coal,” which you received every year in your Christmas stocking.But my favorite memory of you, my little buddy, was the way you acted when you were on your “five minutes,” zooming all around with so much excitement.I rescued you ten years and 8 months ago, and it was one of the best decisions I ever made.I love you, Becks, and your feisty little personality.You are already very missed.Till we meet again in Heaven, dear friend, enjoy chasing the bunnies, and never having to take a bath ever again.Thank you for the pawprints you have left on my heart.
Love,
Your Mommy
Becks is so loved in our household and will always hold a special place in my heart.You can read more about his story here.
Leslee
Hi, I’m Leslee the voice behind Chic Ideology, a west coast lifestyle blog inspired by creativity and beauty I find in the city around me.
Being that I was home alone, I called Jeff again, asking him what I should do, again, barely getting the words out that Becks had passed away. After our phone call, I wrapped Becks up in his favorite blanket and took him to the 24-hour vet a few miles away from our house. The whole drive I kept thinking about how much Becks hated being in the car, and this was the best behaved he’d ever been. It was kind of an odd feeling. At the vet, they vet tech met me at the door and led me to a private room to say goodbye to Becks. Honestly, the tears came nonstop for over an hour. I don’t know what happened to him, and part of me doesn’t want to know because I fear it was my fault. I should have taken him to the emergency vet that Wednesday night when I noticed him acting odd. I still feel guilty for not doing that, but mostly I just miss my sweet Becks. 
